I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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