I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
