You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
