Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
