I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
