my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
