its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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