i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
