when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
