my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
