ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize