If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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