Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
