I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
