My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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