do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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