"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I need moral support for this bender
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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