If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
