I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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