I think I am morally bankrupt
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
