I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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