Need sex. Gaining weight.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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