I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As shirtless as possible
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize