just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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