Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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