Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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