I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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