last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
