what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
