Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
