who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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