I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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