I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize