There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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