if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just gargled with NyQuil
how drunk are you?
Several
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