About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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