That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
