This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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