I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Found the puke drawer
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am one with the molecules
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
