a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
