So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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