I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
