I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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