We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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