i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
