well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
