I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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