in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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