The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
