I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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