The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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