am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
