At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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