I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
