This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
