did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
