dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
