How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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