I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
