Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
pop tarts are not kleenex
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
