i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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