i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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