One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
