I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
