that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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