I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think I am morally bankrupt
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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