I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
