if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
