it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
