dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
