kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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