Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
