Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
