He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
