my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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