I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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