Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
