Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
