i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
