I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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