Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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