Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
