Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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