even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
