my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
