it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
