Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize