you traded sex for a burrito?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
