No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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