so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Randomize
