we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Randomize