so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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