if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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