my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize