I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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