RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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