I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
