Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
