my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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