I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Green mimosas i think yes
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
