She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
