I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
