i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize