Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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