so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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