We're like a lot better than the average bears
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
