glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
