I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
