I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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