I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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