Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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